


Honey.

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-10-13 10:00:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 20,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10511487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Actually no, I’m not done. You think just because I’m one, one year under you means that you can just stomp your obnoxious feet all over me. You gigantic, purple loving, piece of- “---Pinning the boys’ wrist to the pillow above him he smirked ghosting his lips across Alex’s jaw pressing his hips easily to his lovers’ wrapping his hands around him, knowing he’d be leaving marks later. “I’ll see what I can do, darlin’.”---“It’s Hamilton isn’t it, Thomas.”There was no bitterness behind his words, and it wasn’t really a question. It was more of a statement than anything. There was no denying it anymore. Thomas couldn’t lie to him.---“Why don’t you show me how much you missed me, Thomas?” his name fell from Alexanders lips like honey, and suddenly the cord snapped.---"Fuck this, and fuck you. I'm done, Thomas."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First Hamilton fic ever. So we'll see how it goes. This entire thing started out as a one shot and suddenly I turned it into so much more.  
> I promise it gets better.  
> I don't know why I named the series Purple, it was the first thing that came to mind. Don't judge me.  
> 

It all started his Junior year of college, Hamilton’s fist banging against Jefferson’s dorm room door just after he had gotten settled in for the night. He knew it was him, no one else knocked like a maniac around here, and he had heard that knock more times than he wanted to. But it always seemed to bring a smile to Jefferson’s lips. Hamilton was the only one who would stand his ground and fight with him. There was a reason why the two always ended up on opposing sides of debates. Jefferson respected the younger boy of course, even though Hamilton was wrong.

Thomas let his right eyebrow arch curiously as he opened the door letting his eyes wander down the other boy’s frame slowly before dragging his eyes to meet those chocolate pools with a soft huff. “What is it this time Hamilton? You do realize what time it is don’t you? Or do you even sleep?” all questions were ignored of course as Hamilton pushed his way into the door throwing his arms up like a child.

“You, Thomas Jefferson, are giving me gray hairs!” a soft noise made its way out of Hamilton’s lips as he stomped his foot dramatically, and it took all Jefferson had in him not to laugh.

“I know you don’t agree with me! But Professor Washington told us to come to an agreement for the financial needs of his make-believe world. Why do you need to fight me on every little thing? You told me you were going to read over my statement, not change the entire thing completely. I didn’t even give you the right! You infuriate me. You, you- “

“Are you finished yet, darlin’?” Thomas rolled his eyes as Hamilton stuttered, confusion settled on his face before it was taken over by anger.

“Actually no, I’m not done. You think just because I’m one, one year under you means that you can just stomp your obnoxious feet all over me. You gigantic, purple loving, piece of- “

And then Jefferson kissed him.

* * *

 

It started out like you would imagine it. Jefferson and Hamilton would go toe to toe with one another in their debate class. Literally, Hamilton would push to the point until the two were almost pressed dangerously close together. It was the foreplay before the actual foreplay. Which was comical to Thomas. Hamilton barely reached the other mans’ chest. He was like a lion cub in some ways, and sometimes Thomas didn’t know how he took Hamilton seriously. Sometimes the shorter boy would distract him, poke his chest, and mumble some petty insult that would cause Washington to groan until he made the boys sit on opposite rooms from one another.

On this day, particularly Thomas almost laughed aloud when he heard Hamilton’s insult.

“Maybe you just need to get your head out of your ass because that shirt is hideous. I can’t take you serious when all I can see is that awful pattern on you. Seriously Jefferson.” He could hear James behind him snickering while Hamilton let an innocent smile curl on his lips. Thankfully, Washington had intervened and ended the debate, talking about picking it up next class.

As he slipped from the classroom James was hot on his heels, a brow arched with curiosity. “Weird, you usually have at least something to say to Alexander when he insults your appearance. But today you didn’t. Are you feeling well Thomas?”

A soft chuckle fell from the other man’s lips as he rolled his eyes letting the glance sideways at his friend. “I’ve got better things to do than listen to cubs ramble on about my attire James.”

When he heard the mixture of a chuckle and snort come from behind him Jefferson arched a brow turning his eyes to Hamilton. “But you and I both know that shirt doesn’t compliment you, Jefferson. I was simply trying to help you.” And just like that he brushed past he and Madison linking his arms with John Laurens, but Jefferson caught the glance back in his direction right before the two disappeared from his sigh.

Later that evening, after he had made some lie to James about needing some alone time, he sent a quick text to Hamilton, nothing sweet of course, just in case it ended up in the wrong hands.

No more than ten minutes later Hamilton had let himself in. After the first few weeks Jefferson had just told him to let himself in. Sometimes he would come in quietly, and other times he would barge in ready to pick a fight for no reason. Apparently tonight was the second option.

“You seriously like that shirt, Thomas? It’s hideous, gut wrenching, I thought you cared about your fashion. Everything about that shirt makes me want to throw it in a fire.”

A slow smirk made its’ way onto his lips as he leaned against the counter crossing his arms across his broad chest. “Is that all you’ve got tonight, Alexander?”

Hamilton’s lips parted as if to speak but Thomas cut him off. “Why don’t you do something about it? Hmm?” clicking his tongue a soft chuckle fell from his lips as the other man moved crowding himself in Jefferson’s space.

He watched that delegate smile curl on Alexander’s lips as his fingers made quick work of the buttons of Thomas’s shirt chuckling as he listened to him mumble. “Can’t decide to rip it apart or burn it.”

Once each button had been slowly popped Thomas let it slide off his arms before tugging the bun Alexander’s hair was pulled into out tugging at the ends with a smirk. “I’d watch my mouth if I were you, sweetheart.”

Apparently, there were no intentions of that as he heard, “And what are you going to do about it?”

Wrapping his hands around the smaller boys’ thighs he lifted him wrapping his slim legs around his waist. “Is that a challenge? Because you and I both know how easy it is to shut you up.”

Alex let out a soft laugh as his lips brushed their way along his jaw and neck before dragging Thomas’s lobe between his teeth. “Then why don’t you do it?”

Thomas may not have gotten him to stay quiet, but he didn’t hear a thing about the shirt for the rest of the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It’s the middle of January and I’m too damn cold to be in this bed by myself.”

As first semester came and went. Thomas found himself wrapped tightly around Alexanders finger. It wasn’t supposed to end up like this. They had found a way to take their frustration towards one another out on each other. But now it was different. Now, Alexander would stay over, and he would wrap himself around Thomas like a snake. He would bury his face in the crook of the taller mans’ neck while Thomas would wrap an arm tightly around his hips and tug him against his chest. Some nights Alex’s phone would ring, usually it was Laurens, asking him where the hell he was and who the hell he was with, but Alexander would just laugh and tell him not to worry about it. They had decided to keep it a secret. Of course, they still fought like cats and dogs when they were in debate, but the air between them had shifted between them as winter rolled around.

That morning Thomas had gotten up first, a soft chuckle fell from his lips as he heard the soft whine slip from Hamilton’s lips at the loss of body heat. Rolling his eyes Thomas shook his head before pressing his lips to the others forehead lightly.

“Don’t even open your eyes, it’s too early for you to be awake.” he grinned when Alexander rolled to his back holding his arms out with a sleepy pout.

“It’s too early for you, Thomas. I know for a fact you don’t have class until noon. So, I suggest at least,” he cut himself off, finally peeling his eyes open to glance at the clock beside Jefferson’s bed. “another hour in bed. It’s the middle of January and I’m too damn cold to be in this bed by myself.”

A sarcastic groan fell from between Thomas’s lips as he crawled back into the bed sliding his arms back around his lover with a soft smile. “Who am I to say no to that?” he got no reply of course. Alexander had fallen asleep just as quickly as he had woken up.

It had ended up being two extra hours, and luckily, no one’s phone had gone off, and no one seemed to bother them that morning. Which was odd in Thomas’s mind. Usually Madison would have been at his door by now, banging on it without a care in the world until Thomas let him in. As he poured coffee into two mugs he glanced up, doing a double take when Alexander slipped onto the counter with flushed cheeks. He was wearing the same pants from yesterday, but now he was wearing Thomas’s sweatshirt. One he had gotten his freshman year when he was smaller. But it still swallowed Alexander whole.

“I-um, I hope you don’t mind me wearing this. You kind of ruined my shirt last night. And we over slept this morning which means I can’t run by my dorm to grab a new one. If you don’t want me wearing it that’s fine. I can be late to class and grab something. I should’ve asked you first shouldn’t I? I knew it was stupid to go through your dresser, but I didn’t want to exactly leave here without a shirt. That would be a little weird- “

Thomas shook his head with a smile as he watched the scene before him sliding a mug in front of Hamilton.

“You’re rambling right now. Quit.”

He pressed his lips to his temple with a soft chuckle pulling the shorter boys’ hair into bun pressing his lips to his neck softly.

“Doesn’t fit me anymore anyways. Just keep it.”

When he saw Alexander grin he chuckled raising his mug to his lips.

Later that afternoon as they sat across the room from one another in debate Madison seemed to catch on.

“Hamilton? You’ve got someone special now? That’s twice your size, and it looks too old to be new.” His lips curled into a soft smirk when Hamilton’s head shot up narrowing his gaze on James.

“It’s Hercules actually, no someone special, Madison. Didn’t realize we were so concerned about my love life.”

Madison let out a slow whistle while Jefferson snorted shaking his head. His eyes cast their way in Hamilton’s direction, but the other boy was already looking down.

Though he didn’t miss the soft grin that was settled upon his lips from across the room looking a little too pleased with himself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You’ve been awfully cheesy lately, Thomas. I don’t know how to feel about it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know.

Winter came and went, then suddenly it was Spring. Which meant the two only had a little over a month together before they had to part ways. Hamilton would stay in New York, while Jefferson would make his way back to Virginia for the summer. It felt wrong now, leaving Alexander behind as if he was only convenient during the school year. Of course, they never put a label to their relationship. In fact, Thomas didn’t know what to call this. It was obvious of course, Thomas had never loved anyone or anything the way he loved Hamilton. The first day he had met the younger one he knew his life was going to be turned upside down. So, he resorted to hating him, rather than letting himself have feelings. Alexander had made it easier for him to, at first, but as time went by Thomas enjoyed the fact that they disagreed so much. But now it was different, while they still disagreed they found themselves wrapped around one another every night. The insults in class had stopped, which rose the eyebrows of plenty of their classmates, but they made up for it during their debates. Still at one another’s throats, except now Washington didn’t have to force them away from one another. Their professor was pleased, their classmates were confused, and the other two men were satisfied.

Thomas was pulled rudely from his thoughts by none other than Alexander, who looked as if he had run all the way here. His hair was sticking up in random places, face flushed, and he was even breathing hard. Letting his eyes settle on him Thomas spoke,

“Did you just run a few miles or?”

He watched as Alexander rolled his eyes, dropping his head back with a sigh.

“No, but the elevator is broken. So, I took the stairs, but I happened to pass your kind friend Madison on the fourth floor. He kept asking where I was going in such a hurry. Then I told him to fuck off because it was none of his concern. Which means he got that smart-ass grin on his face and he started teasing me about who my ‘secret love’ was, and I almost punched him in the face. Almost.” As the other boy smirked Thomas rolled his eyes.

“Hey, James is still my best friend. Don’t go around punching him in the face. Even though he is a pain in the ass.” 

“Well it’s getting a little hard to not tell your best friend that I’m the one who has been occupying your time lately,” a soft smirk formed on Alexanders lips causing Thomas to groan. “but seriously, Thomas. Do you not see the way he looks at you? I’m almost positive he has some kind of feelings for you. And you’re the one who’s been dead set on keeping us a secret. Which is fine with me, it’s not like I’ve told any of my friends about it.”

Thomas let out a strained sound causing Alex to chuckle.

“You’ve lost your mind, haven’t you? We’ve been friends for as long as we’ve been able to walk. There’s nothing between us. He’s more like a brother than anything. I’ve never had any feelings towards him whatsoever.” Thomas paused as he caught sight of Hamilton’s frown causing him to smirk slightly.

“Holy shit! Don’t tell me that you’re jealous of Madison and I,” when Hamilton’s eye dropped to the coffee table before them Jefferson slid closer, curling his arms around his waist slowly pressing his lips against his neck slowly.

“Alexander, look at me,” when that failed Thomas huffed moving his hands to cup his face nudging his chin teasingly until their eyes met. “There is absolutely nothing between us. Never has been, and never will be. You’ve been it for me since we started all of this, and I would’ve told you by now if there was anything between us. I want you, just you, Alexander- “he cut himself off then. There was no way he was going to tell the him that he loved him. What if he didn’t feel the same way? What if Thomas scared him off, and broke this entire thing off? He wasn’t going to ruin this now.

Suddenly, he felt skinny arms slide around his neck smiling as he felt the other boys’ lips on his jaw. “You’ve been awfully cheesy lately, Thomas. I don’t know how to feel about it.” Wrapping his fingers into Alexanders hair he grinned tugging at the ends of his hair gently.

“Don’t get used to it. Especially outside of this room, darlin’.”

Pressing his lips to Alexanders softly he grinned tugging his lower lip between his teeth teasingly sliding his hands to cup the boy’s ass lightly chuckling as he heard a soft gasp fall from Alexanders lips before pressing their hips close together.

“We’ve got finals coming up, which means we won’t be around each other as much. And then you’ll be going back to Virginia and I’ll be stuck here with Lafayette.”

 A soft smirk settled on the boys’ lips as Thomas pushed him back on the couch tugging off Alexanders shirt quickly.

“Well I guess we better make up for the time now since we won’t have it later.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re lucky I like you, baby girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to hug Alex. I love him.

Finals came, and the day before Thomas was set to leave Alexander just so happened to pop into his room while he was packing. A soft grin was on his lips as he dropped himself onto the bed snagging one of his sleep shirts meeting Thomas’s gaze through his long, dark lashes.

“Since you’re going to be away for so long I’m going to need another article of clothing from you. The sweatshirt is great, but people will look at me funny if I’m wearing something so hot during July.”

Thomas rolled his eyes, but tossed another shirt in the other boys’ direction with a soft smirk.

“You’re lucky I like you, baby girl.”

Both froze at Thomas’s slip of words, but it was Alex who spoke first.

“Are we using pet names now? Because I just finished my last final, and I know you’re leaving tomorrow. I'm kind of sexually frustrated right now. And we’re going to be apart for three months. Which means no sex for three months. It would be a little odd if I were to pop up in Virginia sometime. Then again, if you would’ve decided to stay in New York we could’ve spent all of our time together. Laf is actually only going to be here until June, then he’s leaving me for France. His family surprised him with a ticket home and all that sweet shit. Must be nice huh?” Thomas arched a brow as he watched Alex letting his lips push into a concerned frown.

It was no secret where the other boy had come from. He was an immigrant from the Caribbean, his mother had passed away when he was young, his father had abandoned him before he even knew the man, the cousin who was taking care of him had committed suicide, and from the time he arrived to the states he was passed through homes faster than a band of rats. No one wanted a teenager, and Alexander had a mouth on him. That was a given fact. They had never really talked about it. Lafayette had given him the run down on the boy’s life when he made his first appearance at the university. He didn’t show pity, but he was suddenly feeling guilty for leaving him alone for so long. Even if he acted like it was okay.

A soft breath fell from between his lips as he crawled into the bed hovering over Alexander, nuzzling his neck carefully. He breathed him in suddenly aware of the fact that they had spent almost every night with one another for the past ten months. What was he supposed to do without him the entire summer? He knew there would be text messages, and hopefully facetime calls when he got the chance. But then again, he knew Madison would be around almost every hour of the day. They always spent summers together, ever since they were children. Their fathers had been close, and their mothers were glued to the hip. They bonded over their love for sewing and cooking meals every night. A part of him wanted to tell Alexander to pack a bag and come with him. He knew how his parents would feel about the other boy. They would welcome him with warm arms and treat him as if he had been around them his entire life.

“Why don’t I just come back a few days early? I know I have to turn a form in or whatever, and it’s too late for that, but I could tell my family that I wanted to settle in and have some time to myself before senior year starts. Then we can spend a few days in your room since my room actually won’t be ready. And then of course I'd be moving in when everyone else does. Just act like I was too lazy to get everything from my car.” As his speech came to a close Thomas pushed himself to his elbows brushing his hips across the other boys slowly, letting a grin curve on his lips as he listened to the soft whimpers below him.

“Come back early, spend four whole days with you, in my room, with just the two of us?” he chuckled as he watched Alex purse his lips. Thomas made work of undressing them groaning softly as Alexander dragged his fingers through his hair while his lips worked at his neck, almost growling as he heard the other boy.

“Fuck, Thomas.”

Pinning the boys’ wrist to the pillow above him he smirked ghosting his lips across Alex’s jaw pressing his hips easily to his lovers’ wrapping his hands around his hips, knowing he’d be leaving marks later.

“I’ll see what I can do, darlin’.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Seriously Thomas, what the fuck is wrong with you lately?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty much a filler, and it's going to help set the scene for the next couple chapters.

Summer felt weird to him now. Anytime he would come home he and James would do their usual. Find themselves at a party or bar with old classmates and friends and he’d spend most of his time sleeping around. This summer however it was different. His mind was on Alexander and no one else. He didn’t even bother looking while he and James were out. Of course, James noticed. It didn’t take him long to realize something had changed in his best friend.

“Seriously Thomas, what the fuck is wrong with you lately? We’ve been back for three weeks and you’ve yet to reach out to any of your old flings. By now you’re usually doing circles around them, making a schedule so they won’t find out, and finding a way to break it off before they get too serious about you. So, what is it?”

Thomas let his eyes trail to the other mans and he chuckled shaking his head. “Nothing’s wrong James my boy. I just don’t feel like going down that road again. Remember last summer when that Jackson guy got a little too attached? Kind of turned off the whole summer fling for me.”

He watched from the corner of his eye as James watched him, mouth opened as if Thomas had confessed to murder. “Is this some kind of joke? Do I even know you? You’ve been seeing someone, haven’t you? At school, you’re always busy, but I haven’t been over in months. Half the time you never answer my text anymore. It’s like you’re hiding something that you don’t want anyone to know about. I’m not an idiot, Thomas. I’m your best friend.”

It made Thomas feel guilty, but he didn’t want to out he and Alexander just yet. It was nice not having anyone know about their relationship. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out, but then again, they had been careful not to let anything slip. Not that he didn’t want everyone to know who Hamilton belonged to. He saw the way both sexes would watch the other boy as he made his way through the halls of the university. They were like hounds, which was why Thomas took his time marking Alex every time they were together. Everyone knew that Alexander had a rap sheet, there were plenty of people he had been with before Thomas, and he wouldn’t forget about what happened when he had dated Eliza Schuyler. Then the news of he and Maria Reynolds made its way through campus like wildfire. But it seemed as if the three had moved on past that. Maria and Eliza actually started dating, and the three remained friends. Even though it was odd to almost everyone. Then again, it was easy to love Alexander.

“It’s nothing Jemmy. I’ve just realized that I need to change before I graduate. We’re not going to be in college forever, and I’d rather start now instead of later you know?”

Luckily that had gotten Madison off his back, he thought, and after downing another shot a soft grin curled on his lips when he felt his phone going off, sliding out of his stool when he saw who it was.

“But if you’ll excuse me, I need to take this.”

He didn’t notice the eyes of his best friend burning through the back of his head as he slipped through the door of the bar.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s Hamilton isn’t it, Thomas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a terrible person. I'm so sorry.  
> Please at the notes at the end, I need everyone's opinion. *there's a spoiler too*

Thomas’s family had been quick to agree to let him go back to New York early. They had taken his lie so easily. They believed him even though his younger sister knew he was lying. But she brushed it off after questioning him for so long. Eventually she chalked it up and told him what she knew. She was right of course, nothing could get past her. But she had promised to keep it a secret. If there was one person who he could trust with his entire life, it was his sister.

Three days before he was bound back for New York James had decided to take him out for a night of drinks. As they entered the bar the air felt weird around the two. Something had changed, after their talk at the beginning of summer they hadn’t seen one another as much. They stayed in contact, but anytime Madison had asked to hang out Jefferson would throw some bullshit excuse promising they’d get together soon. He knew it was wrong, to keep such a distance from someone he’s known for so long, but he didn’t know what else to do.

As the liquor began to swim through their veins Thomas found himself loosening up a little. It was just like it had always been with James. There was no argument with one another, no questioning on what was going on. James and Thomas were just as they always had been.

Which was cut short around two in the morning as the two made their way back to Thomas’s home. The man froze as he heard Madison’s voice, stopping short when those words left his lips.

“It’s Hamilton isn’t it, Thomas.”

There was no bitterness behind his words, and it wasn’t really a question. It was more of a statement than anything. There was no denying it anymore. Thomas couldn’t lie to him.

“James- “

“No, no I get it. Really, I do. And I think I’ve known all along. Ever since that time he came into class wearing that sweatshirt he said was Mulligans. But I knew it had to be yours. You use to wear it when we first came here. Plus, you ripped the cuff of the left sleeve which is why you stopped wearing it. Aside from the fact that you grew a whole fucking foot our freshman year. Then it started to get more obvious, you stopped throwing insults at each other in class. You actually debated like normal people. Then I started to realize you two watching each other from across the room, like you two were always having some kind of silent conversation that no one else was supposed to know about. I don’t think anyone else has realized it yet, but I have. I’m your best friend Thomas, why him?”

Thomas could feel it in his gut, nothing good was going to come out of this conversation. So, he let out a slow breath letting his shoulders slouch as he looked anywhere but at James.

“I don’t know. It just happened, one night he stopped by, yelling of course. I had changed his entire idiotic financial plan for the project Washington had us working on. And then it just escalated from there. I’m not going to act like it came out of nowhere. I always knew that I had something for him. Sure, I’d like to wring his neck more times than others, but there’s always been something there. Not sexual tension or anything, but at first I did think that’s what it was. But then the more we spent time together the more I realized I genuinely cared about him. I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m sorry for hiding this from you, but I can’t do anything about that now. You are my best friend, but I also knew how you would react.”

He watched as James stopped at the sidewalk feeling his own lips curl into a soft frown.

“This isn’t how it was supposed to be Thomas. I’m the one who’s always been here for you and you know it! What does Hamilton have? You were supposed to love me, not some poor bastard like him! What can he even give you? Do you really think he cares about you? He doesn’t you know, he only gives a shit about himself. He’s only using you to get his little bullshit debate plans accepted – “

His own blood boiling, suddenly Thomas was in James face, shoving him a little too hard into the grass.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about James. He hasn’t asked me one time to sign one of his petitions, or to change anything. I’ve never spent a dime on him either. Sure, I’ve gotten him coffee and food. But he’s not some gold digger. I don’t give a damn what he can and can’t give me.”

It was quiet for a moment, both men sitting in the grass watching each other. He never thought Alex would be right, he always thought of James as his friend. Someone he turned to when he needed someone to not judge him. But now it was obvious that James saw him in a different view. A soft sigh fell from his lips as he sat back studying the other man for a moment.

“Jemmy, I’m sorry,” but he was cut short by James, who’s lips suddenly found themselves attached to Thomas’s gripping the collar of his shirt. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the need to have someone close to him. It had been three months since he had any kind of contact, and he was craving it. He shouldn’t have kissed him back, but he was. It was nothing but tongue and teeth. Madison was holding onto him as if he would float away. And Thomas was gripping his hips like a vice pulling him closer, not being able to stop the faint groan that left his lips as James ground their hips together.

James hands found their way to Thomas's jeans, unbuttoning them and tugging them down enough to free his hardening cock from their strain. A grunt fell from his lips as he felt a hand wrap around his hardness letting his head fall back with ease.

"Fuck, don't stop." He wrapped a hand into Madison's hair as he rutted against the hand. His mind decided to forget where they were, forget they were in public. Even if it was the middle of the night. But it felt like forever since someone had touched him. He came with a gasp, his guilt clawing at his throat as his cock softened.

 "Fuck..."

“Thomas.”  
  
---  
  
James voice caused him to freeze, pushing on Madison’s chest he stood quickly feeling his own head spinning. What was wrong with him? He could feel James eyes on him as he backed away shaking his head quickly. He had forgotten about Alex. Fuck how could he have forgotten about Alex?

“I’m sorry, that was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened. You know that. I’m drunk right now, and so are you. I love you, James. But not like that, oh god. I’m in love with Alex. I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry.”

After that he disappeared into the night not looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How angsty are we wanting to get here? I'm working on a chapter for later in the story, and Laurens winds up getting into a car wreck.  
> The way the chapter is going, he passes away, but I need someone else opinion because I just don't know what to do.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This felt good. This is what felt right. This was what love was supposed to be, and they were happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've got some fluff!!!!

Three days later he found himself back on campus, standing at Alexanders dorm. He knocked twice, and when he saw the bright grin of the shorter boy he felt guilt swell in his chest. He had to tell him, it was a mistake. As he felt those familiar arms wrap around him he smiled wrapping his arms around his lovers’ hips slowly as he was tugged inside.

“Miss me, darlin’?”

He listened to Hamilton’s quiet laugh as he pushed the door closed pressing his lips to his softly.

“Mm, I can’t decide if I should tell you yes or no. On one hand, I would be lying if I said no, but on the other, I know that if I were to say yes, your ego would be shot through the roof. Though I feel like our text might hold an answer or two to that question.”

Now would be the perfect time to bring it up. Tell Hamilton what happened and apologize. But Thomas was selfish. He couldn’t tell him now. Not after seeing how happy the shorter boy looked. He could feel warm lips pressed against his neck while his shirt was being pushed up his chest.

“I know you missed me, Thomas. Though you didn’t text or call me the past three days. But I’m not mad, you were busy.”

A lump filled his throat as he looked down at Alexander, letting out a shuddered breath as his lips trailed their way down his chest slowly. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t watch Alexander cry. Even though it would be his fault. As small hands pushed away his pants he closed his eyes, letting out a soft groan as that mouth pressed its way along the tent in his boxers. He had to tell him, he would understand, wouldn’t he?

“Alex – “

He was cut off by his own heavy groan as Hamilton dragged his tongue along the underside of his cock causing him to wrap his fingers into the boys’ hair growling as he heard a soft moan coming from under him. When Alex pulled him out with a pop he smirked meeting the man’s eyes.

“Why don’t you show me how much you missed me, Thomas?”

His name fell from Alexanders lips like honey, and suddenly the cord snapped.

And Thomas did, the next three days were filled with nothing but he and Alexander. Thomas took his time with the boy. Memorizing every inch of his body, letting his lips nip at places they had never been before. It was different now, usually Alex would push him to move faster, fuck him harder, but for once there were no complaints. Even though Thomas didn’t have much to go off on, he knew what making love felt like now. He could dream about the way his name sounded coming off the lips of Alexander. It was like an angel beckoning him to heaven. It felt sinful, the way Alexander would wrap his legs tighter around Thomas just before he came. Before the summer, they had never really faced one another when having sex, maybe a time or two, but now it was Jefferson’s favorite thing. It was intimate, and almost terrifying, looking into someone’s eyes as they lost themselves in you. Begging for you not to stop. There was no denying love now, there was no way around it. He had gotten himself in far too deep now. But every night before they would fall asleep there was always that voice nagging at the back of Thomas’ head to tell him about what had happened between he and Madison, but he couldn’t. Not yet

On their final night alone together Thomas felt at ease. He and Hamilton had spent the last three days in nothing but domestic bliss, curled around one another, only moving when they were hungry or needed to shower. It was like a dream really, but he knew it had to end. Lafayette was moving back into Alex’s dorm in the early afternoon, which meant Thomas had to be out almost as soon as they woke up. 

As they laid there that evening, curled around one another, Thomas brushed his fingers through Alex’s hair softly with a smirk.

“Why can’t you just have your own dorm room? I don’t want to leave this bed in the morning,”

Alex let out a soft chuckle as he tilted his head up locking his eyes with Thomas’s own. “Sorry not all over us have the money you do, honey. I’m here on a scholarship if you don’t remember. And the deal was the immigrants stick together. Don’t you know?”

Thomas rolled his eyes as he tugged at Alex’s hair nudging his side playfully.

“I didn’t mean it like that, and you know it.”

Of course, Alex knew what he meant. He never took anything Thomas said to heart. That was one of the things he always admired about Hamilton. After a moment, his eyes took the time to study the boy. The way his eyelashes brushed his cheeks with each blink. The way his lips would curl on the sides as he lost himself in thought. It was the first-time Thomas had seen him without his computer in his lap typing away on his blog, or working on an assignment for Washington. His fingers continued their ministrations on the other boys’ hair as he pressed a kiss to his temple breaking the silence.

“I love you, Alexander.”

As he felt the younger boy tense beneath him Thomas felt panic rise in his chest. It was too soon wasn’t it? They had been doing this for almost a year, but yet the two had never established their relationship. What if Alex decided this was too much for him? What if he decided to break it off because Jefferson had gotten himself too close? Thomas didn’t know what he would do if it came down to that. There was also the matter of James. He had yet to tell Alex about what happened with James, but maybe he didn’t have to. It’s not like it had meant anything to him, but then again it might look weird when Thomas and James no longer sit together in class, or hang out on a regular basis. The feelings Thomas had toward James was strictly friendship, noting romantic whatsoever. He decided he would tell Hamilton before classes started. He didn’t want secrets between them. Apparently being around Hamilton for so long had turned Jefferson into a thinker. He had never lost himself in thought this much until he and Alex spent more time around each other.

What came to a surprise however, was the softened voice of Alexander, who seemed much smaller than before. Thomas watched as he pushed himself up on his elbows locking their eyes with curiosity. He didn’t know what Alex was looking for, but as a smile pulled on the boys lips he watched tears spring in those eyes before he spoke,

“I love you too, Thomas.”

He was taken by surprise really, he hadn’t expected that. In fact, it was the last thing he expected. Curling his fingers around soft locks of hair he smiled peppering the boys’ face in kisses letting out a bright laugh when he heard Hamilton’s own.

 This felt good. This is what felt right. This was what love was supposed to be, and they were happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on a Hamwash one-shot that'll more than likely be up tomorrow! I'm a whore for two if I'm being honest.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was going to hell for being such a liar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little filler before we get to the good stuff.

A soft sigh tumbled from Jefferson’s lips as he slipped from his Sociology of Deviance seminar dragging a hand through his hair slowly. Fall semester was already rolling by. It was already October, which meant the campus was buzzing with excitement about Halloween parties. If this was any other year Thomas would’ve been the first to jump on attendance. But things were weird now, he and James had barely spoken since their return in late August. They still sit next to each other in debate, but it felt tense now. James had tried talking to him, but Thomas couldn’t. Not yet, he hadn’t even told Alex about what had happened over the summer.

Speaking of Alexander, things had never been better. They spent every minute they weren’t in class together. Thomas got out of class first, and two hours later Alex would slip into the small apartment, drop onto the couch, and lose himself in his work. Sometimes Thomas would try to distract him, nudge his side, tug his hair, and even sometimes he would try to take his laptop away. But Alexander was always on a mission it seemed. The boy did more work than anyone he had ever met.

Apparently, today was not one of those days. When Alex had gotten to the dorm that day he dropped his bag beside the front door before he straddled Thomas’s hips dropping his hands to his chest. Thomas grinned at the boy, cocking a brow as he watched him.

“What is it darlin’?”

Alex rolled his eyes as he dropped back slightly letting his arms cross over his chest.

“What’s going on with you and James? Did something happen over the summer with you two? You all never hang out anymore, and sure, you all sit next to each other in debate, but you barely talk anymore. So, what’s going on with you guys Tommy?”

A frown turned on the corners of his lips as he met Alex’s gaze sweeping a tongue across his lower lip carefully. This would be the perfect time to tell him. Tell Alex what had happened. Alex would understand it was a mistake, people did stupid things when they were drunk. And that’s exactly what that was. A mistake.

“Nothing happened, Alex. I guess we just drifted apart. We didn’t hang out a lot over the summer either. I only saw him at family dinners and stuff like that. He was hanging out with friends from high school I guess I just didn’t want to do all that anymore. I mean sure, going out is fun and everything. But I’m graduating this spring and I can’t keep doing dumb stuff all the time. You know that.”

He was going to hell for being such a liar. 

“Didn’t realize I was dating such an old man. You’re only twenty-two, and I’m sure you’ll have everything sorted out by the time you actually graduate. Isn’t there that law firm that’s already looking at you? You had that internship last year, and I remember you telling me they were impressed with your work. You’re almost done here, Thomas! You need to have a little bit of fun before you go. I’m going to be stuck here next year without you, Herc, John, and Laf. I’ll only have Arron. And we don’t even like each other. You really want me to resort to him as a friend because everyone else is leaving me? I don’t think so.”

“Okay fine! Go to that stupid party, and I’ll see if James wants to come too. I’m sure we’ll see each other there.”

When Alex’s smile faltered Thomas pretended not to notice.

 “I mean, if that’s what you want to do. I was thinking we could just go together…”

“Why would we do that, as far as everyone else knows we still don’t get along.” Thomas met his gaze, not being able to read him.

“You’re right, it was just a suggestion. Whatever.”

“You sure you’re okay, darlin’?”

“Peachy.”

Questions about James ended after that. Thomas started talking to him again in class. He apologized for everything that had happened that night, and Madison said he understood. Their friendship was strained, but Alex seemed happy he had started talking to his friend again.

All that came crashing down however, just before December.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I posted my Hamwash fic yesterday. And I was needing some feedback haha. Check it out!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I ran into Madison earlier, literally, I was leaving the café and he was coming in. It was funny actually.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop here it is.

The week after Thanksgiving break Thomas was busy making dinner for he and Alex when the other boy slipped in apartment with a blank expression on his face. Thomas paused for a moment studying the boy before he spoke tugging his lower lip between his teeth.

“You okay, darlin’?”

Alexander nodded quickly, but he didn’t shrug off his jacket, nor did he make an attempt to remove his scarf.

“I ran into Madison earlier, literally, I was leaving the café and he was coming in. It was funny actually.”

Thomas let out a soft breath as he turned off the stove glancing over at him. “Really? That’s nice.”

He watched as Alexander’s glare hardened, keeping himself from flinching under his boyfriends’ gaze.

“Oh, yes really nice. Especially the part where he told me you guys kissed over the summer. Oh, and something about him getting you off. It was a few days before you came back here I think he said. But I'm sure I heard him wrong. Because if I recall correctly you ignored me three days before you came back. But I just thought you were busy with your family. Not fucking your best friend."

Alex sounded too calm for Thomas. He wasn't yelling, and he hadn't even raised his voice. Thomas swept his tongue across his lower lip dragging a hand through his hair.

"It wasn't like that Alexander. We didn't... we didn't sleep together-"

"Oh, I'm not finished. You know what I was doing that night? When I called you probably fifteen times, and I kept texting you. It stated storming terribly here. Which is weird for the middle of the summer don't you think? I know there's storms in the summer, but this one was pretty bad. Which shouldn’t be a big deal, but sometimes I get those crazy panic attacks. You know like the one I had in your apartment when we first got together? But don't worry. I called Lafayette, and he was in fucking France. Isn't that crazy? He even offered to fly back early, but I told him not to. Because I knew you were coming back. Even if you weren't answering me. So, I spent the night on the phone with my best friend when he could've been out with his friends doing whatever the fuck it is he does while he's in France," there was a pause then, and Thomas took a breath.

There wasn't really a way to defend himself. Alex wasn't wrong. And Thomas hadn't answered his calls that night, or the days leading up to his departure from Virginia. He didn't know what to actually say to him then. How was he supposed to fix this?

 "Alex-"

"Seriously Thomas, I'm not fucking finished. I've been sitting here. For over a year, waiting for you to tell me you don't want us to be a secret anymore. Do you really think anyone would care if we were together or not? No, they fucking don't. In fact, I'm almost positive that's what everyone expects. What are you so scared of Thomas? You think everyone is going to think you pity me? Dating the poor kid from the Caribbean who's only here because he had to work his ass off harder than pretty much everyone else to get here? Or maybe, maybe this is all some kind of game to you. Get me wrapped around your finger, act like you love me- you told me you loved me, Thomas."

 Suddenly Hamilton was in his personal space, arms wrapping themselves around the back of Thomas’ neck.

 "All you have to do is tell me he didn't kiss you, tell me he didn't touch you. Goddamnit Thomas, give me something. Please..."

 He could see Alex's resolve slipping away. And as Thomas found his eyes he could see it, the brokenness that was pooling in his eyes. Thomas wanted to reach out, wrap his arms around the shorter boy and apologize, beg him to forgive him. But he didn't have the right to touch him now. He could see it in Alexanders eyes.

"We... we were drunk. It was a mistake. I can't stand here and tell you that nothing happened. We didn't have sex, but I can't sit here and say nothing happened. I love you, Alex"

As Alex took a step back, dropping his arms to his sides, Thomas moved forward reaching for him, though he flinched when he saw the other boy moving back even further.

"I'm sorry, I was drunk, I made a mistake-" he was repeating himself now.

"Being drunk isn't an excuse Thomas, fuck! Is that supposed to make me feel better? I wouldn't be as upset if you would've told me before. But you acted like nothing happened! I even asked you if something had happened! You told me everything was fine. That you guys were growing apart. You failed to tell me your actual reasoning behind it!"

 Alex made his way to the door then, pausing before he opened the door.

 "Fuck this, and fuck you. I'm done, Thomas."

 As the door slammed behind Alex, he failed to see the other man breaking down in the kitchen.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  “I should be kicking your ass actually.” To make for show Laf knocked Thomas upside the back of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the French comes from Google translate, that's my only excuse.  
> In this Thomas can't speak French, just to let you all know.

The next month seemed to fly by in a blur. He’d wake up, get himself ready, go to class, then come back to his empty dorm to wait for Alexander to walk through the door. Of course, he never actually came back. A part of him had thought the boy was bluffing, as ignorant as it sounded. He convinces himself to give Hamilton a few days to cool down. Give him space, but when the first week went by Thomas found himself becoming less and less optimistic.

Thomas still saw him of course, they had debate together. And Thomas would be lying if he didn’t say that was his favorite part of the day. It was the only time he ever saw Alex anymore. Now however, the other boy refused to meet his eyes. There had even been a few times when Alex and James had exchanged words, but there was never anything extravagant. There had been one time, when Thomas had caught Alex watching him, but the other boy had looked away as soon as their eyes met. He looked worn down, like he hadn’t slept in a few days. Then again, the only time Thomas had ever really seen Alexander sleep was when he had forced him away from his work.

Alex didn’t talk much during debate anymore. Hell, he wouldn’t even go against Thomas. There were no more heated debates, no more silly insults thrown his way when Alex was running out of things to say, it all just stopped. Everyone noticed, but no one dared to comment. He didn’t think anyone would actually be dumb enough to ask Hamilton why he wasn’t acting right, but then again, Jefferson never thought that they would end up here.

Christmas break came, and Thomas went back to Virginia for a couple of weeks. He returned to university the day before New Year’s Eve.

After unpacking his bags Thomas made his way to the kitchen, letting out a soft huff as he looked around. The apartment was still too quiet for him. He thought about inviting James over, then took the latter. Even though they had made up things were still off. And they would more than likely always be, even if James had a boyfriend now. Thomas was completely alone, and he only had himself to blame.

His eyes widened as someone burst through the door, and for a single moment he thought it was Alexander. He tried to cover the look of disappointment on his face when he realized it was Lafayette, the Frenchmen smirked when he spotted Thomas, then he was followed by Hercules who slammed the door obnoxiously behind him. It was the first-time Lafayette and Herc had come over in months. Sure, he had always been close with the two. They had first met at freshman orientation, and from then on, they remained friends. But Lafayette was also Alex’s roommate and one of his closest friends as well. It seemed to click in his mind then, maybe he could ask what’s wrong with the other boy, even though Thomas already knew it was his fault.

“Don’t look too excited to see me, dear Thomas,” he paused for a moment before plopping into the stool Alex had always occupied.

 “I should be kicking your ass actually.” To make for show Laf knocked Thomas upside the back of his head,

“Vous, mon ami, êtes un imbécile.” 

Thomas frowned as he rubbed the back of his head clearing his throat as grabbed three bowls dishing an equal amount of macaroni into each before handing one to Lafayette then one to Hercules.

“And why should you be kicking my ass?”

“What? You don’t think Alexander doesn’t talk to me? We’ve been roommates since he made his grand entrance here. At first I really didn’t know what was going on. I knew he was coming home from class late, and sometimes he wouldn’t come back at all. I thought maybe he had met someone new, because when he did come home he was always ecstatic, constantly covered in bite marks and hickies, and I would always see him grinning at his phone when he would take a break from his work.”

Lafayette paused then, and Thomas can feel his friends’ eyes on his face. But he wasn’t looking at Laf. He was staring at his bowl as if it held all the answers in the world. Hercules was too quiet, it made the entire scene even more terrifying.

“Then one day he floats into the room, with this sweater on. You know, the one Herc and I made you get our first week here because it was the last purple one they had? I didn’t want to say anything at first, because surely two of my closest friends wouldn’t be sneaking around together when they in fact, hated each other. Then he came back the day before you left for Virginia with a couple of shirts. And they smelled familiar, you know, like lavender and honey? I finally called him out on it, a couple of weeks before I left for France. We had gone to a few parties here and there, but he never left with someone, nor did he bother with flirting anymore. Which was a little weird. Ever since I’ve known Alexander he has been the biggest Casanova. One night, I come into our dorm, and I heard him talking to someone. I thought maybe, maybe he thought I was going to be out with Herc for the night and he brought someone home. Then I hear your voice, and you calling him baby girl, and I heard him telling you that he was close to booking the next flight to Virginia. Joking of course, considering the fact that the two of you were hiding this from everyone. When I heard him tell you goodbye I decided I needed some kind of answer. So I just came out and asked him, why bullshit around it? He told me everything, how he showed up at your apartment one night ready to fight, but instead you kissed him. He told me how at first it was just a beneficial thing for the two of you, keep the tension during debate, then take it out on each other when you were behind closed doors. But then he told me something that I, never in a, how do they say it? A million years? Yes, never in a million years would I think Alexander Hamilton would tell me he was in love with somebody. But there he was spilling his entire heart out to me about how he was in love with Thomas Jefferson of all people, and that you were coming back from Virginia a few days early.”

Thomas could feel something swell within his chest, knowing that Alex hadn’t picked anyone up throughout the summer. It made Thomas selfish, he had no room to talk anymore.

“When I got back you were gone of course, as far as you knew I still had no idea. Alex was on cloud 9 when I walked in. Bouncing with excitement rambling on about how you two had spent the last four days like a honeymoon. Which, by the way, left me scrubbing our kitchen table until it smelled like an entire bottle of bleach. Herc figured it out not too long after. We came back to my dorm to study and Alex was folding that shirt of yours he always wore to bed.”

He knew what was coming next, and Thomas was inwardly cringing. Lafayette was scary when he wanted to be, and he had a feeling whatever was coming next wasn’t going to be good. And if Lafayette was scary, Hercules was even more terrifying. The two had always been protective of Alex. Took care of him when he needed to be. He thought about intervening, but then thought better of it when he saw the look on Laf’s face.

“Could you imagine my surprise, mon amie, when Alexander came home a few weeks ago with puffy eyes? Like he had been crying? The first time I asked him what was wrong he refused to tell me. All he said was that the two of you had a fight, which was understandable, I’ve been in the same room with the two of you many times. I thought it was going to blow over, and the next day he was going to be back to normal. Staying at your dorm and making small appearances here and there so I knew he was alive. But that never happened, he’s been so sulky these past few weeks. He hasn’t been acting like himself either. Alexander is never quiet, he is Mon petit lion after all. Then last night the three of us were watching a movie, and suddenly he just started crying.”

When Laf suddenly stopped talking Thomas took a chance at meeting his friends’ eyes. There wasn’t any hatred in them. He didn’t expect the strange look of sympathy he was getting. In all honesty, he was expecting a right hook to the face, or maybe even have himself tackled to the floor. Finally however, after what seemed like an eternity of silence, Herc spoke for the first time since they came through the door.

“Jesus Christ Laf. What happened to you walking in here and raising hell, like you said you were going to last night? I didn’t realize you were going to turn it into a soap opera,” when he heard the quiet chuckle of the Frenchmen Thomas dropped his head dragging a hand through his hair as Hercules continued. “What he’s trying to say is, we know you fucked up. And maybe if this was any other person they wouldn’t have reacted like Alex did. But you know how he is. He lets all these ideas about himself play in his head. Convivences himself he’s not good enough for anyone, even though he’s very wrong about that. He feels like everything is his fault- “

“None of this was his fault, why would he think it was his fault? I was the one who lied to him about what happened.”

Thomas’ voice sounded foreign to his own ears, he didn’t realize he was crying until he spoke. Is that why Laf was looking at him that way moments ago? He wiped his tears away quickly, letting out a harsh breath as he cleared his throat. Thomas doesn’t cry to his friends, no he doesn’t. And he wasn’t about to start now.

It was Hercules who broke the silence once more, clapping Thomas on the shoulder before ruffling his hair.

“What I’m saying is, Alex already forgave you. But now I think he’s trying to figure out where it was he did something wrong. Obviously, he’s not going to figure that out. But you know what I’m saying. He our baby Thomas, has been since the day he came here. I get it, trying to give him space. But it’s been a month and nothing has changed. It’s obvious you’re both miserable without each other. So please, just talk to him. Try making it right.”

With that Herc grabbed his fork, starting to eat Thomas’ untouched food.

“How am I supposed to make things right? I’ve tried talking to him, I’ve called, text, tried cornering him after debate. But it’s like I’m a ghost.”

Lafayette shrugged his shoulders as he stood handing Hercules his bowl to finish off.

“Never said I knew how to make things right with him. I just wanted to see if you were doing just as shitty as he was. Which you are, mon amie.”

After pressing a wet kiss to both of Thomas’ cheeks and grabbing Hercules hand the couple made their way to the door.

“He still wears that sweater when he’s in our room by the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Vous, mon ami, êtes un imbécile. (You, my friend, are a dumbass)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Remember last years’ party, Jefferson? You slept in the bathroom with me even though you didn’t have to. That was one of the first times I realized I loved you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a mind of it's own.

Every New Years’ Eve the Schuyler sisters threw a party at their house off campus. There was always a mixture of people, and things always seemed to get out of hand. Thomas had no intention of going this year, he would much rather be spending his time watching a documentary on Netflix with a box of Chinese in front of him. Those were his plans at first, until Madison and Ben Tallmadge let themselves into his dorm.

He had peacefully been watching Roots, alone, with his Chinese when it happened. James rolled his eyes when he saw Thomas, grabbing the remote to turn off the television. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Thomas. It’s New Years’ Eve! You’re going, and I don’t give a shit if I have to drag you out personally.”

“Isn’t that what Ben is for? No offense or anything, but I think it’s physically impossible for you to drag me yourself, James.”

Ben and James had only been together since early October, but they seemed to click like Laf and Herc did. Thomas liked Ben too. He was a good kid, and he had a heart of gold. Sometimes he said or did things that reminded him of Alexander. But no one actually compared to the Caribbean. His eyes followed James as he disappeared into the bedroom, more than likely finding something for Thomas to wear. Turning his eyes to Ben he grinned.

“Twenty bucks. I bet he’s asleep before the ball drops.”

Ben chuckled as they shook hands.

“Thirty bucks that he’s wide awake.”

* * *

 

As the three left the dorms and made their way to the Schuyler’s, Thomas tried not to think about the fact that he could run into Alex there. The odds were slim, just because the house was massive didn’t mean you didn’t see everyone at least once. He hoped, at least, he might be able to get a few words in with the boy. Even though there were plenty of scenarios going through his head on what could actually happen.

By the time they had arrived the party was in full swing. You could smell the scent of smoke in the driveway, and as the front door was swung open Thomas chuckled at the site of a very drunk Lafayette accompanied by a sober Hercules.

“Thomas mon ami! I was starting to think you weren’t going to come this year! Herc’s being mère poule and has barely had anything to drink.” As the door closed behind them Thomas turned to Hercules cocking a brow.

“If you want, I have no intention on drinking tonight, or getting high for that matter, so I could drive you all back to campus if you need.”

Hercules seemed to ponder the offer for a moment before finding Thomas’ eyes.

“Think you could handle getting drunk Laf and I home? You might have your hands full.” When the other man wiggled his eyebrows Thomas rolled his own eyes nudging his shoulder.

“Go do shots with your boyfriend, and give me the keys.” After that Herc disappeared, along with Laf, Ben, and James.

He could remember the party last year perfectly, both Laf and Hercules had gotten so drunk that Thomas had to drag them to the car with the help of John Laurens and Alexander. Alex had been laughing the entire time, drunk himself, and tripping over his own feet. So really it had been Laurens helping with getting them into the car. Alex had stayed with him that night, and Thomas had to hold his hair back as the younger boy threw up the contents of his stomach before falling asleep on the bathroom floor. Thomas stayed with him of course, he had simply pulled Alexander’s head into his lap and brushed his fingers through his soft hair until he fell asleep perched against the wall.

This year was going to be different of course, there would be no Alex spending the night with him, curled into his lap until he finally stumbled to the bed dragging Thomas along with him. Grabbing a red plastic cup from the counter he poured himself a drink, non-alcoholic of course, even though the alcohol would burn out by the time they left he had no desire for it right now.

Stepping away from the kitchen Thomas made his way into the living-room, music was coming from the speakers that hung off each corner of the room. Some techno remix he assumed. There was a game of beer pong going on at one end of the room, flip cup at the other, and a game of Kings taking place in the middle on the floor. To some relief he had yet to see Alex, but then again it came to a disappointment at the same time.

As the night carried on Thomas found himself deep in conversation on the couch about animals with two very drunk Schuyler sisters.

“All I’m saying is, you see a cow while in the car you’re automatically going to tell everyone you see a cow. That doesn’t happen with goats,” Peggy brought her cup to her lips smirking as she watched Angelica.

“Peggy, we live in New York. When was the last time we saw pigs or goats? Have you ever actually seen a cow before?”

“Could you imagine walking through New York City and seeing a cow walking down the sidewalk?”

After a moment, both sisters burst into a fit of laughter, causing Thomas to chuckle quietly. As the girls realized their cups were empty they stood, but Peggy pressed her palm to his cheek before walking away.

“Cheer up, Tommy. You’ve got another hour before midnight.”

He watched as the two walked away, linking arms as they drunkenly made their way to the kitchen, singing loudly along to the music. 

It wasn’t a minute later that someone had dropped themselves into his lap curling an arm around the back of his neck. He knew who it was before he even looked. They had been in this position one too many times, except this time one of them was drunk. Finally, his eyes found another pair looking right back at him, his breath caught slightly, and he could feel his own heart drop to his stomach.

“Alex…”

“Jefferson.”

The man cringed at that, it had been so long since he had called him by his last name. He had never seen it as a privilege, but now he understood. They were back at square one it seemed. Though this time the feelings of hatred were one sided, even if Lafayette and Hercules told him Alex didn’t hate him. Thomas didn’t know what to do with his hands, and quite frankly he was too scared to speak.

“Remember last years’ party, Jefferson? You slept in the bathroom with me even though you didn’t have to. That was one of the first times I realized I loved you…” It was easy to tell how drunk Alex was.

“Alex.”

Maybe at some point tonight he’ll remember how to use his mouth and form an actual sentence, but right now he could only sit there and listen. He saw John appear out of the corner of his eye, and just behind him he saw James, eyes cast to the ground, while Ben, Laf, and Herc watched with curiosity. Could they actually hear what was being said, or were they shell-shocked at Alex settling in his lap? Everyone knew the boy liked to flirt, but he had never been this close to Thomas in a room full of people. They were always like this behind closed doors, maybe that’s why he had forgotten momentarily where he was. He was pulled away from his thoughts as he felt his hands being moved, tugging his lip between his teeth as Alex wound them around his hips.

“Don’t be shy now Tommy. I think we’re well acquainted with each other, don’t you think?”

Alex cocked his head to the side then, and Thomas nodded when he felt fingers brush through his hair soothingly.  

“I knew I loved you when you wore that ugly fucking shirt to debate. You know the one I considered burning? But I never did because there was a part of me that liked it. Maybe it was because you were wearing it.”

He could see Lafayette moving closer, only to be stopped by Hercules who was watching closely. Everyone sure seemed sober now, since they all looked as if they had gotten the memo. Any other time it would’ve been comical. Watching their friends realize that there was more between them than they thought. But right now, there was nothing funny about the situation.

“Did I not make you happy? Because I was happy with you. Always treating me so kindly, making me dinner, giving me your clothes, always making sure I went to bed at the same time with you. Were you not happy? I mean, you were the one who wanted to keep all this a secret. So I thought maybe you would be happy if I agreed,”

Those fingers stilled in his hair, and neither party moved. Their eyes met, and Thomas could see tear threatening to fall from the other boys’. A lump filled his throat then, he wanted to wrap his arms around Alex. Tell him that he was enough, beg him to forgive him until his voice grew horse and his arms cramped. Laurens and Lafayette had gotten closer to the couch somehow, standing only a few feet away from them now. They seemed to be having a private conversation, probably deciding on when they should step in, but then Alex spoke, his voice breaking.

“Why wasn’t I enough, Thomas?”

The words hit him like a freight train, but before he could speak John and Laf broke their bubble.

“Come on, Alex. Why don’t we get you home?”

“Oui, mon petit lion. Why don’t you let John take you home? I’m sure the girls won’t take offence if you leave early.”

At first, Alex made no attempt to move, but after a beat of silence his arms fell from their hold on Thomas and he slipped from his lap dragging a hand through his disheveled hair. As John took hold of Alex’s elbow Thomas stood,

“I’m sorry,”

He made an attempt to move closer, only to be stopped by Lafayette. But he didn’t miss the look Alexander had given him as he and John walked away.

“Give him space, Oui?”

As the clock struck midnight, and the ball dropped. He could hear the loud cheers of the other partygoers, while others, like Lafayette and Hercules, and James and Ben, kissed as they laughed happily.

Thomas was quiet, still watching the door where Alex and John had walked out of only minutes ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea where the scene with the Schuyler sisters and the cow came into play. I might've been borderline wine drunk when I put it into my notes on my phone and added it. Please help xD  
> Translation:   
> mère poule- mother hen


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Seriously, Hamilton if you don’t close your eyes, or at least stop talking I’m going to smother you. Play a game on my phone if you want to, but let me sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh. Not very happy with this chapter. I don't know haha.

Second semester started, and Thomas carried on the way he had the semester before. Except now James and Ben constantly surrounded him. At first it had aggravated him, all he wanted to do was come back to his dorm and work on his classwork. But after a while he grew warm to the fact the two were always around. He had spent almost two months closing out James, and apparently, James had gotten sick of it. Now the three were close. But he still seemed to wait for Alex to come through the door every night after they had gone home.

Lafayette and Hercules started coming around more often as well, sometimes they would drag him out to lunch. Or even take him out for coffee in the mornings. Their main loyalty was still to Alex of course. They never gave him much information on Alexander anymore. They would mainly just tell him how he was doing. After the incident at the Schuyler home he seemed to be doing better. Laf had told him Alex woke up the next morning with no recollection of the night before, but Thomas knew the boy. He never forgot anything, even when he was drunk. They had gotten drunk in his dorm together one too many times for him to believe it.

As for he and Alex. Things weren’t as awful as they had been in December. Alex avoided him of course, but now in debate the room didn’t seem as tense as before. They had even made eye contact a few times, and Thomas could almost swear he had seen the other boy smile at him one afternoon. Maybe he had met someone else. That was an always nagging thought in the back of Thomas’ mind. But he had no right to be jealous, he had no right to be anymore.

Some nights he would spend his time going through his phone, rereading conversations he and Alex had before this had all happened. He would go through every picture on his camera roll and study the pictures they had taken together. One stood out to him however, it was his favorite one.

_They had been lying in bed one morning, it was a Saturday, he remembered, because the night before Alex and brought two bottles of strawberry vodka over determined to get shitfaced out of his mind. He has succeeded of course, in the matter of two hours one of the bottles had been empty, and Alex was happily sipping from the second bottle as if it were a lifeline. It wasn’t unusual for Alex, but this night Alex seemed to be on a mission to forget. Thomas had taken the bottle from Alex’s hands, settling it on the kitchen counter beside him before sliding himself between the boys’ legs letting his hands press carefully against his thighs._

_“Do you plan on letting me know what’s going through your head baby girl?”_

_Alex, who’s cheeks were tinted pink, wrapped his arms around Thomas’ neck slowly drawling him closer as he spoke, “Am I not allowed to get drunk with my boyfriend? Figured we could have a celebration for getting through the first month of classes without killing each other in debate.”_

_Thomas had rolled his eyes then, he knew when Alex was lying. His lips barely moved when he lied, and the corners of his lips would twitch after he quieted down._

_“I never said we weren’t allowed to get drunk together did I? I just want to know what’s going on with you. You’ve been acting a little off ever since you walked through the door.”_

_At that, Alex’s shoulders dropped along with his eyes._

_“I don’t know really. I just had this dream about my mom, and it just felt real. It was just a day we had before we had gotten sick. Then I woke up and I was in mine and Laf’s room. Obviously. I’ve just felt a little off about everything today.”_

_Thomas let out a soft sigh before he lifted Alexander from the counter, grabbing the half empty bottle, and carrying him to the couch chuckling softly as the younger boy nuzzled his neck. Pulling Alex’s arms from around his neck he pushed him back a little shaking his head when Alex gave him a puzzled look._

_“Just sit on the floor with your back against the couch.”_

_Alex was hesitant at first, before he just shrugged and settled onto the floor between Thomas’ legs. His fingers curled around the bottle carefully, and he heard a content sigh as he combed his fingers through Alex’s hair. After a moment, he started braiding it, letting his lips curl at the edges as he watched Hamilton’s eyes fall closed._

_“I’m not going to tell you that I know how it feels, because I don’t,”_

_As he finished the braid Thomas grabbed a hair tie, wrapping his arms around Alex’s neck as he leaned forward, peppering kisses across his jaw._

_“But, next time it happens. I want you to talk to me about these things. Even if you’re cute when you’re drunk.”_

_When he heard a laugh underneath him Thomas grinned nudging his boyfriends’ shoulders lightly. “Time for bed little one. I think you’ve had enough for the night.”_

_Alex pouted until Thomas carried him to bed, once he had fallen asleep he slipped out of the bed and grabbed a water bottle, along with a bottle of headache relief knowing Alex would have a headache in the morning._

_When morning approached however, a headache seemed to be the last thing Alexander had. When Thomas felt a weight on him he groaned peeling his eyes open, dropping his head back as he was met face to face with a grinning Alex. His eyes darted to the window, and he could see that the sun still hadn’t began to rise. When Thomas glanced at the clock he huffed looking back at the annoying runt on top of him._

_“Do you realize it’s Saturday? A day to sleep in and not do anything? Do you realize what time it is? Five. Fucking five in the morning on a Saturday and you’re wide awake.”_

_“Thomas, you slept the entire day away. It’s actually seven at night.”_

_When he heard Alex snicker Thomas pushed him off his lap rolling onto his side, still facing him._

_“Just because I love you doesn’t mean I won’t force you to go to the couch. Or even kick you out of here. Why are you even awake? There’s no way you’ve burned through all that alcohol.”_

_Alex ignored him of course, then he leaned over and snagged Thomas’ phone from the nightstand curling up against his chest. “Mm, pretty sure I’m still a little bit drunk. I got up because I had to pee, but then you were sleeping and you looked so sweet. Which is why I woke you up. I need a kiss.”_

_“I could fucking throttle you sometimes, you know that right?”_

_Thomas kissed him anyways, letting a smile settle on his lips when Alex nipped his lower lip._

_“I’m not having sex with you right now. I honestly might fall asleep, which would be embarrassing. And I’d lose all my dignity, and it’d be a terrible blow to my ego.”_

_“Well, your ego is bigger than your dick- “_

_“Seriously, Hamilton if you don’t close your eyes, or at least stop talking I’m going to smother you. Play a game on my phone if you want to, but let me sleep.”_

_Thomas buried his face into his pillow letting out a yawn as he closed his eyes._

_“Okay, okay, okay. Geez, but seriously, you need a new home screen picture. I don’t like the other one anymore. So, we’re taking a picture.”_

_If there was a time Thomas thought murder should be legal, it was now. It would be so easy to just smother Alex, he was really considering homicide. That’s how badly he wanted to fucking sleep._

_He didn’t kill Alex of course, even though he was seriously considering it._

_Turning his head to the side he let out a sigh, before opening his eyes finding Alex even closer than before. Obviously he wasn’t going to deny him. Only because he didn’t feel like hearing about it for the next three hours._

_“If we take a picture will you please go back to sleep?”_

_“Yes, cross my heart.”_

_“Fine.”_

_When he saw the smile that pulled on Alex’s lips he grinned draping an arm around his waist lazily. Once Alex had opened the camera on Thomas’ phone he settled back flipping it to where it showed their faces. Just before Alex pressed the shutter button Thomas dipped down pressing a wet kiss to the younger boys’ cheek, grinning when he heard a loud laugh erupting from his lips. It turned out to be Thomas’ favorite picture, although they both weren’t facing the camera, it was clear that there was nothing but pure drunken, loving bliss coming from the picture._

_“je suis tellement amoureux de toi.”_

_Thomas paused then, letting his fingers brush across Alex’s jaw slowly as they laid there looking into one another’s eyes._

_Alex went to sleep after that, thankfully._

Thomas let out a harsh breath as he studied the picture that night. He found himself hovering his thumb over Alex’s contact name, but thought better of it. After sitting his phone back on the bedside table, he fell back against his pillows letting sleep consume him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “je suis tellement amoureux de toi.”- I am so in love with you


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But I do want to apologize. For ignoring all your calls, and text, and ignoring you when you tried talking to me after debate. I guess I didn’t want to hear any of it or something. I thought that maybe if I ignored you then it would all just go away. Even if that’s the childish thing to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terrible at updating. I've got like four works in progress and haven't written anything for them. But this story is my baby.

In the blink of an eye, it was March. Spring break was the second week of the month, and Thomas decided not to go home. Everyone else seemed to stay on campus as well, he had spent most of his time with Ben and James, and there were a few days when he had gotten lunch with Hercules and Lafayette. On Wednesday, they were settled in a corner booth, picking at the remnants of their plates as Laf spoke.

“Why don’t you come out with us tonight, mon amie?”

Thomas looked across the table arching a brow curiously. “Last time we all went out together you ended up with a black eye, Laf.”

“Yes, I know, but you saw the other guy.”

Thomas and Hercules exchanged glances before Thomas smirked,

“Oh right, you mean the guy that walked away without a scratch?”

Lafayette sighed, tossing a roll in Thomas’ direction as he spoke.

“Baise ton culot.”

“I don’t know what you’re saying. I don’t speak French.”

“Just come out with us Thomas. Or I’ll have Hercules drag you out of your dorm himself.”

* * *

 

So, he did go out that night, and in all honesty, it was one of his favorite nights. The first couple of hours, it was just he, Laf, and Herc, but around eleven John and Alex made an appearance. At first, Thomas thought that maybe he should go. He didn’t want to have a redo of New Years’ Eve, but then again, he knew Lafayette wasn’t going to let him go that easily. So, he sat in his stool, letting a grin dance on his lips as he heard Alexanders laugh come from beside him.

“Je vais vous tuer, Lafayette.”

“Tu n'oserais pas le petit lion.” 

What Thomas didn’t expect, was for Alex to drop down in the booth beside him. He wasn’t going to ask questions of course, but he was curious. His eyes cast their way to the younger boy before he cleared his throat, letting a smile tug at the edges of his lips when he realized Alex was talking to him.

“How are you, Thomas?”

There was nothing bitter behind his words this time around. This wasn’t anything like New Years’ Eve had been. There was no tense air surrounding them this time. And luckily, both of them were completely sober.

“I’m doing pretty well. I’m running out of work to do, so that’s a plus.”

“Running out of work to do means you’re getting closer to graduation. That’s exciting, did you ever hear anything from that law firm you had interned for?”

Thomas paused then, and when he realized that John, Hercules, and Lafayette had disappeared he shook his head. When had that happened? After a moment of silence, he brushed a hand through his hair nodding absently.

“I have. Washington gave me a referral, and I guess he and Charles Lee are close. They’re letting me start in July. You know, after all the paper work, and I have to do a few unpaid mock trials so they can make sure I’m a fit for the firm.”

As he watched the smile grow on Alex’s lips he settled back into his seat a little more lifting his glass to his lips keeping his attention to his right the entire time.

“I knew about Washington’s referral. But I didn’t know he and Lee knew each other.”

Thomas furrowed his brows then. “How did you know?”

“I’ve been Washington’s TA since January. Just not for debate since I’m one of his students. Sometimes I have to grade papers and stuff in his office, and I may or may not have been snooping through his things one afternoon when I found the paper.”

Alex let out a laugh then, which caused Thomas to laugh himself. Of course, he would be the one trying to find dirt on his favorite teacher. Hamilton had always looked up to Washington, maybe because the man treated each of his students as if they were his own children.

“I’m sorry about New Years’ Eve, by the way.”

Thomas frowned then, turning himself slightly so he was facing Alexander more. It was getting louder in here, and it was more than likely because of Herc, John, and Laf. His suspicious were answered when he heard the all too familiar sound of Laurens voice breaking through the crowd,

“It’s show time!”

Thomas chuckled when Alex rolled his eyes, but he sobered up quickly, taking the chance to nudge Alex on his arm.

“Lafayette told me you woke up the next morning saying you didn’t remember anything.”

When Alex met his gaze, he offered him an encouraging smile waiting for him to go on.

“I feel like you’re being a smartass right now. You know I remember everything. I just didn’t feel like getting the talk from all of them. By the way they treat me, you would think they were my dad’s or something.”

That was true, and Thomas could understand why he pretended to forget everything. He would two if he had Laf and Herc coming down on him the morning after drinking your weight in alcohol.

“But I do want to apologize. For ignoring all your calls, and text, and ignoring you when you tried talking to me after debate. I guess I didn’t want to hear any of it or something. I thought that maybe if I ignored you then it would all just go away. Even if that’s the childish thing to do.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I get it. You were upset, I would be too.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the only person I’ve ever apologized to, Thomas. Don’t take this for granted.”

They both grinned then, and even though things may not exactly be perfect. They were better. This wasn’t exactly the ideal conversation to have in a bar on a Wednesday night, but then again, when was this conversation ideal?

“So, you and Laurens?”

In his defense, the question came out of nowhere. He didn’t even realize he had said it until Alex almost choked on his drink. Then he heard a loud laugh come from the boy causing a flush to run down his neck.

“There is absolutely nothing going on between us. He’s not bisexual, and he’s definitely not gay. I’ve walked in on he and countless girls one too many times for my liking.”

It was a relief to Thomas. He had never seen Laurens with a girlfriend, nor had he ever seen him with a boyfriend for that matter. They were in college of course, and Laurens was like Alex, everyone seemed to have some weird attraction towards them as soon as they walked into the room. When the man in question popped back up at the table Thomas wanted to groan, and he prepared himself for Alex to say something about it. Give them all a laugh, but it never came to his surprise.

The rest of the night passed by without any issue. He had only gotten a few more words in with Alex a few more times, but now they were surrounded by their friends.

As the last call announcement was called he saw Alex and John stand. John tossed his arm around Alex’s shoulder before he yawned patting the boys cheek. “Looks like it’s time for a tiger snooze.”

Alex rolled his eyes, grabbing Johns keys from his pocket. “You’re sleeping on the bathroom floor. Vomiting on my sheets is out of question, because I would murder you.” His eyes turned to Herc and Laf and he arched a brow. “Want to help him to the car? I need to pee before we go.”

Lafayette perked up at that, kicking Thomas harshly underneath the table. The man glared at his friend harshly before he stood stretching his arms as the three disappeared. By the time he was heading for the door Alex was out of the bathroom and walking close behind him. Thomas stopped to let him catch up, and once they were outside he cleared his throat.

“Do you think you’d let me take you out for coffee sometime?”

When Alex nodded he let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Baise ton culot.” (Fuck you asshole)
> 
> “Je vais vous tuer, Lafayette.” (I’m going to murder you)
> 
> “Tu n'oserais pas le petit lion.” (You wouldn’t dare little lion)
> 
> Don't worry, shit goes down after this chapter.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sorry Thomas, it’s Eliza. I’m sorry for calling so early, but Lafayette said you’re the only one who could help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO ANGST MY OLD FRIEND

On Saturday morning, the shrill ringing of his phone awakened him. The first time it went off he ignored it. He figured it had to be James who loved to call at the most unnecessary times. The second time it rang he went to answer, but as soon as he grabbed his phone it stopped ringing. Just as he went to see who it was calling it went off a third time. When he saw Alex’s name flash across his phone he shot up quickly answering. 

“Alex?”

“Sorry Thomas, it’s Eliza. I’m sorry for calling so early, but Lafayette said you’re the only one who could help.”

Thomas frowned then, sliding out of bed quickly finding something to wear. A ripped pair of jeans and a t-shirt had to do.

“What happened, Eliza? Is he okay? Did something happen to him?” his mind shot into overdrive then. Did something happen to Alex and he had gotten hurt? His mind was going through the motions, trying to figure out why Eliza was even over there so early to begin with. Luckily, she spoke again, her voice strained as if she had been crying.

“No, no, he’s okay. I mean, physically at least. Thursday night, we got a call, John Laurens was in a car wreck. A-a drunk driver hit him. He… he didn’t make it,”

Thomas felt as if his air supply had been cut off. That couldn’t be right. He had just seen Laurens Wednesday. How could this happen? This was just a joke, some sick joke that was being pulled for no reason. How could the kid he had known with freckles painting his skin and curly hair be dead? 

“Do you think you could come to Laf’s and Hamilton’s apartment? Herc told me to call you, and I’m not really sure why. But he said you might be able to help. He hasn’t come out of his room since we heard.”

Even though she couldn’t see it, Thomas shook his head quickly shoving his feet into a pair of shoes. 

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

After hanging up the phone he brushed his teeth quickly before making his way across campus to Lafayette and Alex’s dorm. It was quiet when he knocks, but after a moment Maria pulled the door open, a sad smile on her lips. 

“Thomas,”

As the door closed behind him he looked around taking in the scene before him. Lafayette was curled into Hercules side, and Hercules was staring out the window with his jaw clenched tightly, Eliza was settled on a stool in the kitchen tapping her fingers against the counter softly as if she were trying to rewind time, and Maria was making her way to the kitchen stirring a pot of sauce. It was clear that she was the one who had been helping everyone since Thursday night. Thomas and Maria had never been close to John, but he was one of those people who everyone seemed to love. When Lafayette saw him, a soft smile curled on the Frenchman’s lips. 

“Thomas mon amie.”

Thomas offered him a smile before he ruffled his hair offering Hercules a nod. “Is Alex still in his room?”

Hercules cut in then, giving his head a nod. 

“Hasn’t left since Thursday. Pretty sure he hasn’t gone to sleep either, when we go to bed he’s still awake, and when we wake up he’s still in the same spot. I don’t think he’s really eaten either. We’ve taken him food, but the plates are still full.” 

Thomas nodded at that, feeling a lump form in his throat. Without another word, he made his way to the bedroom door, knocking a couple of times carefully. 

“Hamilton?”

When he received no reply, he sighed softly trying to turn the knob. Of course, Alex had locked the door. He was probably growing tired of everyone trying to check on him repeatedly. 

“Alexan- “

“Go away.”

Thomas rolled his eyes then, allowing his forehead to press against the door, he could faintly hear the sound of fingertips dancing across the letters of a keyboard. Surely, he hasn’t spent the last two days like this. Actually, he probably has spent the last two days doing just that. What he could possibly be doing, Thomas didn’t know. 

“Goddamnit, Alexander Joseph Hamilton, if you don’t unlock this door I swear to god I will break it down. I don’t give a shit if it’ll cost you or not. Unlock the fucking door.”

When the typing had stopped, Thomas stepped back feeling four sets of eyes boring into the back of his head. Although the typing had stopped, the door was still locked. After what seemed like hours of nothing he heard the shuffling of papers, followed by quiet grumbling from the younger boy. When he heard the lock click Thomas felt his shoulders drop trying to prepare himself for what he was about to walk in to. Alex didn’t open the door for him, but Thomas took the door being unlocked as an okay to come in. 

As his fingers curled around the knob for a moment he paused, turning his eyes onto Alexanders friends before he turned the knob stepping inside.

The scene before him wasn’t the prettiest. There were clothes thrown about the room carelessly, as if a tornado had come through and thrown every article out of his closet and dresser. There were plates sitting on the bedside table, full of food, and obviously untouched. As for Hamilton, he looked like the definition of a human disaster. His hair was in a bun, but most of it had fallen out or was sticking up in random places, his clothes looked like they hadn’t been changed, Hamilton was always a mess, but this was different. Perched on the bed he was typing furiously away, fingers dancing across the keys at an almost inhuman speed. 

“Alex,”

When the boy looked up he froze, the bags underneath his eyes were so black he didn’t know if they would ever actually go away. His eyes seemed darker than before, as if there was a hint of doubt in them. He could hear shuffling come from outside the door, more than likely there were now four bodies with their ears pressed tightly against the door trying to listen. 

“What are you doing?”

“Work. I have a lot to do for Washington, Thomas.”

“I’m sure Washington would understand if you took a few days off, Hamilton.” The last name felt foreign on his lips now, it had been so long since he had called him that. 

“I don’t have time to take breaks. Taking breaks are idiotic. I don’t have time, I don’t.”

“You have plenty of time.”

“No. I fucking don’t. If I knew you were coming in to argue with me I wouldn’t have let you in.” 

Thomas sighed. “I’m not arguing, Alexander. Your friends are all worried about you.”

“They have no reason to be. I’m perfectly fine.”

This was what shock had to look like, or Alex was trying to keep it in his head that nothing bad had happened to his best friend. Dragging a hand through his hair roughly Thomas watched the boy, knowing he was about to hit low. 

“Laurens is dead Alex.”

At that Alex froze, then he turned his glare to Thomas. Suddenly he slammed the laptop closed sitting it on the bed. Then he stood, and Thomas watched as his entire frame shook violently.

“Get out.”

“No.”

“Get the fuck out.”

“I can’t do that.”

The dam broke then, and Alex let out something he would compare to a cry, or maybe a scream. 

“He’s not dead! He can’t be dead! I just talked to him, I just talked to him… and he- he was fine. He’s not dead, he’s not fucking dead, Thomas! He can’t be! You saw him too! He’s fine, Thomas, he’s not dead! He can’t be, he can’t be!”

It was as if time had stopped when Alex froze. His eyes widened then, and Thomas could see tears threatening to spill from his eyes. 

“Oh god, Thomas.”

It was terrifying, watching as the boy broke down, almost collapsing as the sobs coursed through his body like a storm. His hands tugged harshly at his sweater as Thomas moved forward, moving slowly as he gathered Alex in his arms. There was no fight this time as Thomas let himself settle on the bed wrapping his arms tighter around him. The cries echoed through the room, a cacophonous, gut wrenching echo. Thomas moved a hand to tug Alex’s hair from its bun, and he brushed his fingers through it soothingly, removing any tangles that got in his way. He didn’t breathe a word, just rocked the two back and forth gently as Alex buried his face in the crook of his neck. Pressing his face to Alexander’s hair he closed his eyes, pressing his lips to the top of his head. This must be what it feels like for your heart to break. His heart broke for Alex, it broke for the other four outside, but mostly it broke for Laurens. It was always a known fact that he was going to go far in his life, and that had been completely shattered in the matter of seconds. There would be no more new stories for Alex to tell him about John. About the weird movies they had found on Netflix, or weird foods they had put together even though they tasted like shit. He would no longer be walking at graduation to receive his diploma. It had all just stopped. Thomas slid the hand that wasn’t in Alex’s hair underneath the sweatshirt, pressing the tips of his fingers to the small of his back. 

“I was supposed to be with him.”

Thomas froze then, feeling his heart drop into his stomach. 

“What?”

Alex pushed himself back a little, wiping his eyes as he released a shattered breath. He freed his arms from where they had been trapped between the two, and dropped his arms around Thomas’ shoulders lightly. 

“I was supposed to be with him on Thursday. We made plans in the morning, because he stayed over, but he had to go back to his apartment across town and take care of some things. We were just going to eat, and see a movie or something because he didn’t feel like drinking, but he didn’t want to sit here all night either. So, I told him that we could go after I got out of my meeting with Washington, because apparently Spring Break isn’t actually a break to him,” he grimaced at that before moving back to the subject. “But when I got back to the dorm I was tired. So, I laid down for a minute, and I ended up falling asleep. When I woke up I had all these calls from everyone, text asking me where I was. And when I called Hercules I could tell something bad had happened. Laurens was usually the first one to call me when I disappear. Hercules told me that they were at the hospital and that John had been hurt. By the time I got there he… fuck. I was too late, Thomas. When I got there they said he had been pronounced dead only minutes ago. They said there was nothing else they could do. Did you know that the only side damaged was the driver’s side? The only reason he was driving was because he was coming to hunt me down? His car was found right down the street from campus. If I didn’t fall asleep he would still be here.”

It was quiet then, the only sound coming from either of them was their quiet breathing. How could he think this was his fault? Then he thought of what it would’ve felt like if he were the one who had gotten the call and Hercules was telling him to come to the hospital because Alex had gotten into a wreck. Finally he spoke, moving his hands until they were pressed to the boy’s cheeks. 

“Alex,”

When he didn’t move Thomas pressed his hands slightly. 

“Look at me.”

After what seemed like an eternal battle with himself Alex looked up, red eyes looking back at him. 

“None of this is your fault. You had no way of knowing what was going to happen. Do you think John would want you to blame yourself? Because he wouldn’t, and I would bet money on it that he would kick your ass for even thinking that it’s your fault. The only person at fault here is the person who hit him. They have no one to blame but themselves. They were the ones who made the decision to do what they did. If there’s someone you want to be mad at. Let it be them. But don’t sit here and kick yourself for something you can’t control. You’ve got people on the other side of that door who are worried sick about you. Don’t you think that you all have suffered enough these past few days?”

When Alex nodded he relaxed brushing his thumbs across his cheeks with tender grazes. 

“Why don’t you take a shower, and I’ll get you some clean clothes, and clean up this mess. Then we can go out there and have some food with everyone. I’m sure they would love to see that you’re okay.”

Alex sat there for a beat of silence, before he pulled himself out of Thomas’ lap. “Can I wear one of your sweatshirts? Preferably the blue one you got your sophomore year when the debate team won.”

Thomas chuckled then, but nodded as he stood. “I’ll run back to my dorm and grab it for you.”

He watched as Alex shuffled to the bathroom, and when he heard the shower turn on Thomas gathered up all the clothes in the room and tossed them into the laundry hamper before collecting all the plates that had been left for the past few days. As he emerged from the bedroom he could see everyone watching him curiously. He ignored them for the most part, and dumped the food in the trash before sitting the dishes in the sink. When he turned around however, he was met with the grin of Eliza, who was staring at him. 

“Yes, Eliza?”

“Oh nothing, Thomas. Just trying to decide how long Lafayette has known he owes me fifty dollars.”

When he heard Hercules laugh he rolled his eyes moving to the front door. 

“Better make it one hundred for a late fee. Because he’s known for a long time.”

* * *

 

When he got back to the dorm about fifteen minutes later Alex was still showering. That was normal, he always took long showers. Thomas didn’t know how many times he took a cold shower because Alex had used all the hot water. When Thomas had suggested they just shower together Alex had looked at him like he suggested they should murder children for shits and giggles. So, Thomas took the cold water. 

When he finally heard the shower cut off Thomas slipped into the room closing the door behind him. When Alex emerged from the bathroom a minute later he paused, absently letting his eyes drink in the sight before him. He looked smaller now, he had put on weight when he had stayed with Thomas. And now it looked like he had lost it all. His lips curled into a frown before he stepped closer handing the sweatshirt over. 

“Maria made spaghetti tonight, and it smells better than mine.”

Alex smiled at that. “That’s a lie. No one makes better spaghetti than you.” 

“Guess you’ll just have to test it out yourself.”

“I wonder when you’ll stop being a pain in my ass.”

Thomas grinned at that. 

“Hopefully never.”

He left the room then, giving Alex a little more time to himself. As he dropped onto the couch across from Hercules and Lafayette he looked into the kitchen where Maria was finishing dinner. She had pulled out six bowls, not bothering to ask Thomas if he was going to stay or not. He opened his mouth to speak, but she silenced him quickly. 

“If you even say something about not staying for dinner I will personally beat you with this wooden spoon.”

Laf smirked at that, wiggling his eyebrows. “Ohhh, Maria how kinky of you.”

The whole room laughed at that, but Thomas didn’t miss it when Alex slowly came out of the bedroom keeping his eyes on the ground. When he dropped onto the couch beside Thomas, Thomas pulled him into his side smiling when Alex curled himself closely against him. 

They didn’t let the cloud of darkness cover them for a while. Even though it was obvious there was a very important person missing from dinner, they didn’t let it stop the light conversation and stories coming from everyone’s lips. 

He didn’t even realize that Alex had fallen asleep until he looked down a little while later. When he caught Lafayette watching him Thomas arched a brow, meeting his friends curious gaze. 

“What?”

“We’ve been trying to get him out here for two days. What did you do?”

“I don’t know really.” he brushed his fingers through the boys’ damp hair, twisting it slightly at the ends.

“His parents asked him to talk at the funeral before we left the hospital the other night. It was like they were so ready to get this over with.” Eliza curled her knees underneath herself as she spoke, meeting Thomas’ eyes. 

“People have different ways of coping with death. There’s no one way to handle it.” He slipped out from Alex’s side stretching out. 

“He hasn’t slept since Thursday either.”

“I can tell.” 

One arm curled under his neck, and the other curled underneath Alex’s knees before he lifted him pressing his head to his chest. 

“I’m just going to lay him down.”

Thomas carried the smaller boy back to his bedroom, laying him on the ruffled sheets before tugging the comforter over his frame. When he felt fingers wrapped around his wrist he paused, meeting Alex’s confused gaze. “You’re leaving?”

Thomas bit his lip at that. “I was probably going to here soon. I think everyone’s exhausted.” 

Alex pulled at his wrist did, like a child would when they wanted their mother to buy them a new puppy. 

“Stay. Please… I can’t – “

“Let me see if Laf has some sweats for me to wear. I’m not sleeping in jeans.”

Alex nodded then, dropping his hand from its hold on Thomas’ wrist before rolling over in the bed, curling around himself. Thomas knew Hamilton wasn’t going to close his eyes, and that he was putting on a show for the man. Brushing a hand through his own hair he slipped out of the room closing the door behind him. Lafayette was already by the couch, pair of sweatpants in hand, tossing them to Thomas. 

“Something told me he wasn’t going to let you leave.”

Thomas chuckled at that, balling the pants in his fist as he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. When he felt a pair of arms wrap around him however, he froze, before he realized it was the Frenchmen. When he looked around he realized Eliza and Maria had gone, and Hercules was sitting on the kitchen counter with a bowl of ice cream. Thomas patted the other mans’ back lightly chuckling when he pulled away. 

“You love him,”

“Quite a lot, Laf.”

“You’re good for him. I think he had always been waiting for someone like you to come into his life.”

“Like what?” 

“A storm, you’re thunder and he’s lightning, they might be terrifying, but when you mix in a little rain it’s beautiful.”

Thomas stood there then, locking his eyes with his friend before he nodded. His throat felt tight, thinking of all the loss they had endured the past three days. They denial they had gone through, the amount of time they had spent trying to get the youngest one of the group to leave his own room. Then he thought about Laurens, and thought about how quickly life had its way of ripping those you love the most away from you like some tornado when you least expect it. 

After clapping Lafayette’s shoulder a couple of times he made his way back into Alex’s room, tugging off his jeans and sliding into the sweats with a shaking breath. He crawled into bed then, facing Alexander, who had his eyes wide opened. They didn’t speak, they just laid there. Soaking in the presence of one another. Thomas was afraid to close his eyes, but he wanted this to be over, for this to all be a dream, and for John to be okay. 

But this was life, and there was no waking up from it. 

It was Alex who moved first, he slid his way to the middle of the bed grabbing hold of Thomas’ hand to wrap it around his waist. In turn, he slipped an arm across Thomas’ chest, while he curled a leg around his hip to pull him closer. Their eyes didn’t lose contact one time, and once they were both comfortable Thomas used his free hand to brush the hair from Alex’s forehead holding his gaze. Thomas then moved his hand lower brushing the pad of his thumb across his jaw lovingly. 

When Alex finally drifted off Thomas let his eyes close, falling into his first peaceful sleep since December.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry (kinda), but we all knew it was only a matter of time right?  
> Also, this story has reached over 3,000 views and over 200 kudos so, thank you all so much! I never thought this would really be anything and it means a lot to me that you guys are actually enjoying this.  
> I've got almost the rest of this story finished then I'll be working on finishing my Hamilton/Washington fic and my Hamilton/Laurens fic.  
> After that I plan on working on my first a/b/o fic, I've got most all of it outlined, so it should be started by the end of June.  
> Also, I may write a Laflams fic, but it won't be a pretty one, just warning everyone now. :)


	15. Chapter 15

Hey guys! I just want to apologize. I'm going on a temporary hiatus. I went to plug in my laptop to the charger and it won't work, and my laptop is completely dead. Hopefully I get something worked out here soon so I can post a new chapter and finish my other fics. 

Thank you guys for being patient! Hopefully this doesn't last long .


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Didn’t know you turned into fucking Yoda after midnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I hope you guys remember me.  
> I was listening to Gale Song and Long Way Fromore Home by The Lumineers when I wrote this if that tells you anything about the moodds of the end of the chapter.

****

Darkness greeted him a little while later. Thomas figured they had only been asleep for a few hours, and when he glanced at the clock he realized it was only three in the morning. He was careful not to wake Alex as he slipped from the bed and headed to the bathroom. After flushing he stood there for a while, pressing his palms to his eyelids as he shook his head. At the moment, he didn’t see himself falling asleep again anytime soon, so he slipped through the bathroom with ease, made sure Alex was covered up, and then he slipped out of the bedroom closing the door carefully behind him. 

“If you’re trying to sneak out I will personally give you a black eye.”

Thomas jumped when he heard Hercules voice come from behind him. He didn’t expect anyone else to be awake really. It was late, or early, it really just depended on the person. A soft smile tugged on his lips as he shook his head dropping onto the armchair across from the other man. 

“No asshole, I had to pee, and I don’t see myself falling asleep anytime soon. I have a feeling that Alex would wake up if I got back into bed so I just came out here. What are you doing up?”

“I couldn’t sleep, and Laf complained every time I moved so I decided to make some tea. Want some?” Without an answer, Hercules stood and made his way to the kitchen emerging moments later with a mug for Thomas. Once Thomas took the mug he wrapped his fingers around it slowly,

“Thanks, Hercules.”

Hercules shrugged before he dropped onto the couch with his own mug. Thomas stared at his mug for a moment, before he relaxed against the chair turning his eyes back on Hercules. 

“Why do the shittest things happen to the best people?”

Hercules arched a brow as he looked at Thomas. Thomas didn’t know why, but he was angry. Not at anyone really, just whoever thought it was right to end someone else’ life when it had just barely started. The two watched each other for a moment before Hercules shook his head taking a drink of his tea before he spoke. 

“I don’t have an answer for that, and if I were a religious man, I would spout some bullshit about how God knew when it was time for certain people to die. But I’m very far from religious, and God has never really been on my side if I’m being honest. I don’t know, Thomas. And we probably never will. Alex and John so much alike, but so different in so many ways. I think they got along so well because they have both been through things they never wanted anyone else to go through. Shitty things happen to the people with the biggest hearts. Not saying we aren’t great people, but our lives have been smooth sailing. Shitty things are always going to happen. And I feel like the people it happens to are the best people for that reason. They want to make everyone else happy because they know what it’s like to be in the dark.”

Thomas let out a bitter chuckle as he finished his tea shaking his head. He didn’t want to think about life right now. Or life being lost. Or bad things happening to good people, but he was. He probably would be for the rest of the night, if not the rest of the week. 

“Didn’t know you turned into fucking Yoda after midnight.” 

Hercules let out a quiet laugh. “Fuck you, Jefferson. I’m full of insightful things. I just don’t let everyone know what I’m such a nice person.”

Thomas felt his lips twitch at that. “I was scared shitless of you when Laf first introduced us. I couldn’t believe his boyfriend was the hulk.”

Hercules grinned at that, before he stood taking Thomas’ mug. When he came back a moment later Thomas stood stifling a yawn before he spoke. 

“I’m glad Lafayette has you. Sometimes I feel like you guys were made for each other.”

“How crazy would you think I was if I told you sometimes I feel like you and Alex were put on this earth to find each other?” 

Thomas paused at that, he thought about how Alex came from Nevis, and Thomas was from Monticello, yet somehow their paths crossed here. How could it be that they were from two completely different worlds, but they ended up at the right place at the right time? 

Thomas stood by the bedroom door, fingers curled around the knob, before he turned back to Hercules shaking his head. 

“I wouldn’t tell you that you were crazy, Mulligan. I’d tell you I thought you were right.” 

Hercules grinned. “Goodnight, Thomas. And if you tell anyone I actually have a soft side I’ll make sure to ruin that pretty face.”

Thomas just grinned at that, opening the door. 

“Goodnight Hercules.”

When he slipped back into bed, Alexanders eyes greeted Thomas. They were rimmed red, and he could tell the boy had been crying. He wrapped an arm around the boys’ waist to pull him close, pressing his lips to his temple lightly. It was Alex who broke the silence,

“I can’t do it.”

Thomas frowned. “Do what?”

Alex rolled onto his back with a soft breath as he watched the ceiling fan. 

“I can’t talk at the funeral. What the fuck am I supposed to say? Those people didn’t even care about him, his father barely acknowledged the fact that he was there, sure he sent him money and acted like a good parent, but he could’ve given a shit less about John. And his mother went along with it,”

Hamilton turned on his side then watching Thomas. 

“Thursday night was the first time his parents had come here since he was a freshman, and before that, it’s been over two years since he had contact with either of them. John stayed here every summer with me, spent Christmas with me and the guys, we were his family. Not them. They didn’t deserve him. They didn’t fucking deserve him. Now they’re acting like they’ve been here the entire time, acting like they cared about him. They just want it to be over, they just want to get rid of him and act like he never existed.” 

Thomas was taken aback by Alex’s words. Now that he thought about it, he realized John had always spent breaks with Alex. And the years Laf wouldn’t go back to France, Hercules would stay too. It was always the four of them together. Like they made each other whole. They were pieces of a puzzle that was hard to figure out, but for some reason they connected. Thomas looked down at Alex then, who was already watching him. 

“Would I be a bad friend if I didn’t go to the funeral?”

“Why would that make you a bad friend?”

“Because I wasn’t just his friend. And we weren’t just best friends, we were brothers. We took care of each other. I loved him, Thomas. I never told him I loved him.”

He could see tears spring in the corner of the boys’ eyes, and without a word he brushed them away shaking his head. 

“He knows you loved him, Alexander. Even without you saying it, he knew you did. So no, I don’t think you would be a bad friend if you didn’t go to his funeral. I don’t think he would take it personally if you didn’t go. From what I have seen and heard of John Laurens, he was a very understanding man. I think he would understand if the person who loved him the most didn’t come to see him carried away and put in the ground.”

He could feel Alex’s nails curling into his arm, but he didn’t say anything. He had never been in this position before. No one he loved has ever died. Sure, he had a grandmother who passed away, but he was too young to remember the details. This was raw, foreign, and something he never wanted to experience again. He kept wiping away the tears that were flowing from Alex’s eyes. He didn’t know if Alex even knew that he was crying. 

Alex was watching Thomas, lips pursed like he was in the middle of trying to process his own thoughts. His grip on the man loosened before he sighed rolling onto his back once more. 

“I know how I want to remember him, and I don’t want the last time I see him to be in a casket. I know how I want to remember him, I know, I know. How he was Wednesday night and Thursday morning before everything went to shit, that’s how I want to remember. I don’t want to sit in a room full of people who pretend that they cared about John, pretended that they loved him. But this was his home, we were his home. Not South Carolina. We were going to work at the same school together, have our classrooms by each other. We had all these plans for the future. Get some dumb apartment together over the summer, and I would just commute here when I had class. He was so excited to finally graduate, he had a job lined up and everything with the elementary school downtown,”

When Alex fell silent Thomas just laid there lost in his own thoughts. His eyes had fallen closed at that point, he wasn’t falling asleep, but he was listening. When he felt a familiar hand brush through his hair he opened his eyes coming face to face with Alex. 

“I’ve never really felt loved before. I know my mother loved me, but I don’t remember her. I remember certain things, like how she’d try not to laugh when I got into fights with the kids who had money when they teased me for having a whore for a mother. They usually walked away with black eyes or bloody noses. I just don’t remember what it felt like when she was hugging me, rocking me, or just holding me. Sometimes I remember how it felt when she would braid my hair, and it’s why I made you do it so much. I was always trying to chase the feeling of someone loving me. And I never really found it,”

The fingers in Thomas’ hair curled slightly, before they went back to combing through it soothingly.

“Then I come here, and I meet those three. And they treated me like I was the greatest thing to walk into their lives. Herc and Laf treated me like I was their child, and John liked to listen to me go on about how much I wanted to knock out the two for acting like I was so much younger. They all love me, love me like I wanted a family to love me. They showed me love I always wanted. Then there was you. You come in out of nowhere, like a monsoon. You showed me an entire new level of love. You showed me love that I didn’t even know could exist. It was like a wildfire, and it just spread, so quickly that I had no control over it. There was no way to stop it, not really. You showed me the love that I never knew I wanted, never knew I needed. A love I never asked for. But I got it anyways. Now I have all these people who love me, and I love them more than I ever thought was humanly possible. And now I feel like there’s always going to be a part of me missing because someone I love is gone. I feel like there’s this piece of me that I’m never going to get back. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do without that piece. It’s like he took it with him.”

Thomas watched the boy beside him, trying to think of the words to say. Maybe he would never get that piece back. Maybe John took a piece of Alex. Maybe John needed that piece more than Alex did. If there was an afterlife, or whatever happened when you died. Maybe John had decided to take a piece with him.

Thomas pulled Alex tightly to his chest smoothing his hair back with one hand as he spoke. 

“Maybe he took that piece with him because he left everything else for you. Maybe he took a piece of all of you because he needed it. You might not ever feel entirely whole without him, but you know the love you all had for each other. You’ll always remember how much you loved him, and maybe that’s the only piece you need.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize for taking the longest to get this chapter out to you all. I've kinda lost my fire with this story but I'm chugging through because it's my baby. I've only got a couple more chapters for this story before the end.  
> Then I have a few more fics I've been working on that I hope you all will enjoy!  
> Thank you everyone for sticking with me <3 it means the world.  
> Follow me on tumblr if you'd like: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/burn-23


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